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Masochism in BDSM – ( A fourteenth century monk) shut himself up in his cell and stripped himself naked.. took his scourge with the sharp spikes, and beat himself on the body and on the arms and on the legs, till blood poured off hi as from a man who has been cupped. One of the spikes on the scourge was bent crooked, like a hook, and whatever flesh it caught it tore off. He beat himself so hard that the scourge broke into three bits and the points flew against the wall. He stood there bleeding and gazed at himself. It was such a wretched sight that e was reminded in many ways of the appearance of the beloved Christ. (The Pursuit of the Millennium, by Norman Cohn).
This is an example of extreme religious masochism which would rarely, if at all exists in among sexual masochists today. In fact, the term sadomasochism mow refers primarily to the consensual exchange of power between two people whether the method used to achieve this is psychological or physical. Rape, lust murder, and spouse abuse for are not considered forms of sadomasochism in the play arena. They are non consensual and therefore will remain as categories on their own. the term masochism was first used in the late 19th century by Krafft-Ebing, the psychologist, who wrote Psychopathia Sexual. Krafft-Ebing used the novels of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch to learn about men who gained sexual pleasure from having a woman inflict pain. While the prominent writer was still alive, Krafft-Ebing labeled his acts as a sickness.
SM is a consensual and negotiated game between two or more people which may be stopped at any time by any partner. The purpose of the game is to push the masochist to the same level of emotional and physical exhaustion found in the extremely passionate love affair. Would the monk mentioned in the beginning of the section have felt as devoted to Jesus if he had not suffered so much because of his love for humanity? Submission and suffering can both be components of a strong love bond.
Men and women differ in the way they view the importance of sex in a relationship, in some cultures, and it is the role that they choose to sacrifice in masochistic games. Men value sex and tend to judge the quality of a marriage by whether their sex life is satisfying while a women put sex into context with the rest of the relationship and if that seems healthy thee will not be concerned. Male masochists willingly give up all their power, masculinity, and demands for sex to provide, by sometimes extreme methods, the intensity of their love. Conversely, female masochists tend to abandon sexual inhibitions displaying or offering their bodies willingly; thus, sex becomes the sacrifice that proves love for a partner. The reason people feel a need to convey love in this manner often lies in their past environmental conditioning. Maybe were neglected or had emotionally distant parents. Some of thee people use masochism to win the love of their partner because, to them, love and nurturing were never given freely. In addition, these people probably only received nurturing from their parents when they were injured or ill, therefore, they may feel that the only time they are permitted to receive nurturing is when they are weak or injured. Similar conditioning is now considered a contributing factor for people who become sexually aroused by piercing and cutting. These fantasies were discovered in children who underwent surgery as infants by Dr. John Money.
Another dimension of masochism is that of physical pain. Pain is on a continuum that runs from very mild sensations, such as tickling, to extreme levels that are produced in mutilation. People who use pain during sex often set limits to how much and in what manner the pain is to be administered. A simple experiment that often clarifies the use of pain to increase sensation is that of holding one’s hands up, taking notice of how they feel, and then clapping them together for five seconds. There should be a tingling sensation that most would define as pleasurable, especially if spread throughout their body during sex. Most people would not normally define this tingling sensations as pain, or think that clapping their hands was a form of self-flagellation. Yet for most practitioners, this is what masochism is al about. The level of pain is close according to the desired effect. Masochists involved in heavy pain use it to either produce opiates in the brain for an euphoric effect or to reach altered states of consciousness.
Masochism plays a role in creating a feeling of self empowerment or self esteem. The masochist faces fear, pain, or humiliation and not only survives, but has an orgasm or receives love as a reward.
There are many private S/M clubs and these all vary in character. S/M clubs may be heterosexual, gay, all female (some will allow transvestites in female attire), pansexual, male dominant. Most clubs sponsor occasional play parties, some give educational lectures (link to Janus Society), many restrict activities to bondage, a few have religious undertone and other are political in nature. Acts that look safe and simple, such as bondage, can be very risky and even cause a partner’s death in a very short time period. Therefore, the primary purpose of clubs is to provide education for novices and a safe environment to practice and acquire the skills needed for play. S/M clubs are not group sex houses (swingers) and many have regulations against even a married couple engaging in genital penetration during a play party.
On a side note; the Swinger community has embraced some S/M play as adding spice and the in the near future we may see a subset of S/M for swingers, clearly not defined as of yet, however, it will include genital sex between people.
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