Jealousy (Othello's syndrome) Jealousy is a feeling of envy or anger directed toward someone deemed as a rival for a loved one. The fear of fa loss actually creates a stronger reaction because the person has to act to prevent the loss, where a permanent loss will create eventual depression. there are also people who use jealousy as an arousal technique for group sex.
Jealousy increases in direct proportion to our dependency on our partner and our fear of losing them. Often people who were in some way abandoned during their childhood or kept overly dependent on a parent will suffer more from jealousy. The unconsciously feel they will dieor not be able to function without this surrogate parent. Many people effectively deal with this fear by building up their independence and self esteem, thus taking the burden of crating happiness or security off their partner.
The formula for self esteem sound simple, however a person has to be strong to overcome the critical little voice in-stat that says "you can't" or "you're ugly", "you're stupid" or "I will deal with it later," and so forth. One must learn to hold back using honest arguments such as "I can," etc. It is not easy to wind this battle, because most people have relied on this voice to protect them from failure or embarrassment. If the feeling arises "ask for what you want, you can't lose something you don't already have." Two people who have mastered control over low self-esteem and jealousy can live together without either party feeling burdened by the other's overwhelming demands for something neither has the capability of filling.
Jealousy can be healthy if its focuses a straying partners attention back to their spouse. The couple canuse this opportunity for honest discussion of their fears and negate any areas of concern. (See also Hedonism, Love, Pecattiphilia, Sadism, Zelophilia, Bondage, BDSM and Swingers). |
